The secret of child education

From the first days of life of children, we try to teach them the art of communication. We want children to "play nice" and arrange for their holidays and birthdays. We are concerned as to occupy their free time, so they spent it with the maximum benefit,

and we spend a lot of money on educational games and teaching aids for them. We are pleased when other adults can appreciate the intelligence and education of our children.

But we often forget that almost every day the children have to keep the exam "for survival" among their peers - in kindergartens and schools.

If we adults are always ready to children to meet, to forgive and pity them, as between themselves, they have to "fire and sword" to fight for their rights: to request and assign, to attack and defend, to get used to the hostility on the part of their peers .

And no matter how much power we did not spend on something to create an oasis for the child of happiness and prosperity, his real life is there, beyond the walls of our house.

There, in the big world, the child immediately has to learn to play by different rules.

He sees that the success and prosperity earned lie, intrigues and brute force. But these rules have written ourselves.

Without noticing, we accustom children to the policy of double standards. Every parent says something like: "I am ready to do anything to my children was good. And it is not just good, but better than others."

This "better than others" we are slowly but consistently sawing the branch on which we sit. The children, first unconsciously and then consciously adopt the rules of the game: The world is divided into "us" and "them," and if "they" stand in the way of our interests, you are immediately outlawed. Outside of "our" law.

Needless to say, that the adverse results of this outlook we see in everyday life.

Is there an alternative?

Kabbalah argues that yes, there is, and at the same time will take into account the interests of all.

This means that regardless of affiliation to a particular group of people on social, national, religious and other grounds, every person is guaranteed respect for his vital interests.

It will be not only the letter of the law written in the constitution, but the inner aspiration of most people.

This is possible provided that all, without exception, follow the rule "Do not do to others what is hateful to you."

Suffice it to begin to stick to this rule, to see how life is changing before our eyes the better.

What about children? Children will always want to be like adults. If we, the adults start to behave in a different way, the children will immediately imitate us.

In kindergartens, schools and on the streets there will be new games in which children will learn from each other to live in a world of good.

So the best thing we can do for our children - is to start training with themselves.

Big eyes of their parents of young children

Parents always think that they are perfectly cared for their helpless little child. And, of course, very young children are not yet able to speak, and even more so coherently express their thoughts, to bring them to the essence of their parents.

Therefore, no one knows what really claim to us adults to experience our kids. Now let's try to dream and imagine what would have thought and said a child up to four years because their parents.

So the child was born. And what did he think?

Immediately after birth, the child feels a little shrimp, and parents seem to him giants and wizards, who as the wave of a magic wand come eating and drinking.

And, perhaps, the first of his thoughts about the following: "It is good that my parents are so fond of. They are so good. My mother always feeds me and my dad played with me. But sometimes they become very angry and yelling at me. I do not understand these words, but the fact that my parents are unhappy, I already clear.

And so it always happens when I want to eat for a long time or lying wet. But sometimes I feel like there's even a night, and then I drink, and ... and ... and still eat and when you do not have a year, there is nothing more natural these processes.

Do my parents wish I did not do? But then I could start locks, and I can not stop to grow. And anyway, when my parents cry, I get scared, I get nervous.

And sometimes I'm sorry, Mom and Dad poorly studied anatomy at the school, otherwise they would not have demanded from me anything that does not correspond to my age. And then you put me on the pot, and when I sit down something heavy.

And then get angry and swear that I yell to the whole apartment and categorically wrote in this unfortunate pot. Yes, I do it after that for a long time I will not love.

At this age, I'd like to listen to my parents and they rejoiced when I feel good.

And I want them to be consistent and logical, and they like to flame each other at once, and I slap is not the case, then let's make peace and to squeeze as if I stuffed toy.

So I grow up, I'm already past two years. And, of course, the attitude of my parents to me, too, began to change. They have much less lisp with me, and all the time from my demand something.

And it is difficult to quickly figure out what they want from me, because I have a poor understanding of the word. Sometimes, because of this I feel very sad and want to cry. Then I was very curious, but for some reason this does not please my parents.

But I do not blame Dad throws all your favorite magazines, and they are so beautiful and so interesting to me to tear them. But this is why the Pope does not like, and he yells at me and my mom. After that, my mother's face becomes very angry, she throws at me angry looks, and it seems to me that my mother does not like me at all.

And by the way, I think my parents need to know that to three years in children not yet sufficiently developed in the brain of the respective centers, "Veda" precise movements, so I can not get dressed quickly, even to please my parents.

And do not blame me and customized for this. And then I can get upset or even describe. And, in general, my parents is very difficult to understand. I like nothing special is done, and then you criticize, then praise.

Such as it is, I do not need you. And you constantly force me to do is not what I want but what you want. I try very hard to please their parents, and every day I try to adapt to them.

If you knew, dear mom and dad, how hard for me with you.

It came up with the adults that childhood is the happiest time in my life. And I feel like in the most difficult work.

Maybe a lot of it and then I forget, but something is likely to remain.

And who knows, maybe I will miss the activity for which the parents scolded me deep in my childhood, or, conversely, I will always take the time and make decisions in a hurry, because remember very well how I was chased and criticized for being slow.

And who knows how it is then reflected in my career and personal life. "

Thus, a small summary: dear parents do not consider themselves the ultimate truth in terms of education, and remember that the first bricks in the foundation of the fate of your child, you are laying it.

So let this be the foundation not only physically healthy and strong, but also very psychologically stable and strong.

Panfilova Natalia - a private psychologist.

Why do children leave home

Contrary to popular opinion, children leave not only from disadvantaged families. The family apparently can be quite respectable, and even provided. And then often the occasion to leave home becomes a conflict, based on the lack of understanding with his parents.

In general, leaving teenagers of 10-17 years. Traditionally, adolescence is considered to be a difficult period, when a teenager, despite the outward bravado, rudeness and aggression, in fact extremely vulnerable and defenseless.

And he has never needed our understanding of, and its absence causes immense pain and suffering and leads to serious complications in the interaction between us.

Statistics ...

Fifteen or twenty years ago it was thought that children under 7 years do not go out of the house, and the main reasons for leaving home 10-13-year-olds are belonging to socially disadvantaged families, the shame of alcoholic parents or ignorance and neglect by parents of children in difficulties School (BN Diamonds, 1985).

In recent years, the street children are preschool age, children make the shoots of very wealthy families, whole communities homeless people were children and adolescents. Currently, according to the Research Institute of the Ministry of Interior in Moscow alone there are at least 28.300 street children, of which 85% voluntarily left the house, 5-6% - children's homes and boarding schools.

It is important to know that for the formation of self-reliance for the development of the "I", subsequently achieving personal maturity, the opportunity to take responsibility for their future life, our children need to "break away from the family."

And the result of such an office should not be a gap of a teenager with his family, and the establishment of new relations based not on coercion, but on partnership.

Failure to understand the reasons for the changes taking place with children, leads to our commitment to maintain firm control and authority over them, or "turn back their development."

We are beginning to reject the new qualities of a teenager and wish to return old children: obedience, tenderness, etc. And then leaving home becomes the only opportunity for them to express their protest.

Quite often the reason for our strong alarm when a sudden change in the behavior of adolescents is the threat of destruction of the idea of ​​himself as a good parent. And the presence of both a parent satisfaction enhances self-esteem of man, otherwise decreases.

Therefore, we will not adequately respond to the behavior of a teenager just to maintain a positive self-image. We do not make mistakes because they do not love their children, but because they do not always know how best to proceed and are often not aware of their own motives.

If our love existed only on the animal level, then we would not harm their children would do purely instinctively, as nature has made us.

But the human relationship to another level - selfish. In all human problems lies selfishness. And when our relations with children are starting to include human qualities, egoistic properties influence, dominate, coerce - then our love is destructive, we often raping children his authority over them, do not give them the freedom to develop.

While the ancient law of education says: "Educate the child according to his ways," ie, in accordance with his nature, his character, inclinations.

Love on the human level is what I feel, leaving themselves without their needs, not their feelings, needs and feelings of the other, and then I is a tool for filling the other.

I myself do not take into account, but only what is good for him. When the child begins to grow, our love for him is to purchase a different form than the one which he needed as a child.

If a small child requires primarily good care, security in the world, control, now love - to adopt and support it as a person, independent and individual, able to bear responsibility for their lives.

It's love-care in relation to the unique energy that animates man. This is love embodied in other decision-making abilities.

Three steps that can be taken in this direction are:

1. Notice any manifestation of their habit to make decisions for the child and begin to get rid of it. Reject the desire to push, send it to what we want in this case.

Instead, ask yourself, "What can I do in this situation to help my child be more responsible and able to make their own decisions? "

2. Learn to enjoy the decision-making child. We can do it if aware that this is a living, pulsing particle of nature itself, and we have a precious but fleeting opportunity to see how it develops.

Even when we see that the child goes towards the unpleasant and painful effects, the best thing you can do in a similar situation - just to express their concerns, and then allow these effects occur. "There is no wiser than experienced."

3. Change some of our thoughts and beliefs about children. This step is extremely important. Because between our beliefs and our actions are closely interrelated. Without realizing it, we constantly conduct ourselves so as to confirm the validity of the actions of their own inner convictions.

If we are convinced that our child was initially endowed with positive qualities, it is able to make the right decisions and to govern their own lives, we effortlessly will support him in this.

What the child really needs to be a teenager - is help, assistance and promotion of the installation to make their own decisions. Giving the child the love of this kind - the most important thing we can do for him.

Then our love will be creative and children do not need to leave home.