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Psychologist
Can we be happy when everything worse than ever? Tips gives senior researcher at the Russian Institute for Cultural Research, Moscow psychologist Ludmila B. VOLYN.
RULE 1
Do not compare yourself with those whom fate of more favorable - a sure way to be unhappy.
Some people argue that it is necessary to compare ourselves with the best, not the worst. Of course, it is not necessary to be equal to those who are lazy, who are rude or overwhelmed by negative emotions. But you will be compared with those who were initially extremely favorable conditions of life?
Separate those aspects of life which you are subject, from those for which you can not influence. To compare their achievements with other people only in the first case.
If you are doing by comparing yourself with someone who was born into a wealthy and prosperous family who works in a prestigious place, not because that is applied to this effort and just so happened "historically", then you are on the right path to mental hell. You do not even have to die to get into it, you can arrange a early - during his lifetime.
RULE 2
You can not make a point of comparison that does not depend on you, and if we compare it better with those to whom fate is not too merciful.
In this case, you learn to appreciate what you have and not to consider it for granted. Bringing a sense of gratitude, you become both happier.
A friend of mine read Solzhenitsyn and Shalamov, a new look at their own lives. Previously, she often wondered why she was not always lucky and why others luckier. Now, presenting the life of the prisoners of Stalin's camps, she enjoys the most ordinary things: the fact that she can walk in the woods, enjoy nature, swimming in the river, the fact that she is a young, strong, workable, has the opportunity to dispose of their own.
Do you think she was happier: before or now? Focus on the best examples only in those cases when you can follow them. For example, you decide to change jobs, but can not put this decision into practice. You know that you are never waiting with open arms.
Having met two or three times a failure, you find confirmation of his sad view and do not believe in a prosperous development in the future. Your friend, on the contrary, is not afraid of failure, perceiving them as a temporary test. The time that you have spent on experiences, she devotes active search.
What do you think, all things being equal, which position is more advantageous?
RULE 3
Choose the best samples in those cases when you can benefit from their experience.
But do not compare yourself with those who are more fortunate, regardless of their personal effort and merit. The first step on the road to happiness - is the acceptance of yourself and your life in it is what it is, including limitations, imperfections and contradictions. Pay attention to what you want. Well, when dreams are connected with your real life, arise from your actions.
For example, you are doing a lot and dream about the time when you get a diploma and will be able to move to another job. Or you change the diet, began to lead a more healthy lifestyle and imagine the ease in body and beautiful figure in the future.
These images help the future you do not throw begun, maintain new habits, to show willpower.
RULE 4
It is important to be willing to select and desires, and not to let them slide.
Some of them may be unattainable in principle, for example, the desire to have a different origin or type of appearance. Others - unattainable at your current capabilities and resources - for example, to your favorite divorced his wife and married you. Such desires indicate rejection of reality, and they will not bring you nothing but misery.
So think about why you need such desires. Abandoning the impossible, you will be much happier. Third desires are achievable only in the future, provided your mental work. This could be the acquisition of new skills or improving relations with the people, the development of a certain character traits - serenity, diligence, kindness.
These desires are worthy of respect and show your emotional maturity. Look forward to their appearance and give them a "green light" in your soul.
RULE 5
Happiness does not imply constant high spirits, the more euphoric.
The famous philosopher Voltaire asked many people to question if they would like to be happy insane? And almost all answered in the negative, even before they complained about his unhappy fate. The fact of the matter is that human emotions are not only important in themselves, but also their power.
Happiness can not be without movement, because in our world there is nothing permanent - changes and environment around you and yourself. The transition to the new often is not easy, there are inevitable growing pains. During the ascent to the goal there are obstacles, delays and failures. The main question is, how do you feel about them.
Think of these as temporary and inevitable phenomenon, and even better as a challenge to myself. But if you are angry or offended, if not willing to tolerate the slightest emotional discomfort, the happiness you can not see. The pursuit of pleasure motivates avoid any painful emotions, sacrificing purpose and self-respect.
A true happiness as it may seem paradoxical at first glance, includes the negative emotions, and even amplified at their expense. Psychological studies show: in man there is a need in heterovalent emotional saturation in the whole range of sensory experience, including negative. Recent create a contrast to positive emotions, making them even more vivid and valuable.
When a person overcomes obstacles and pain, increased his self-confidence and satisfaction. And they who are the foundation of happiness. When all too easily given, it is little valued and not bring joy. Genuine happiness is not as bright as illusory. It does not look like no euphoria, because it includes not only joy, but also stress that must be overcome.
But now it is different from the illusory happiness far greater margin of safety. It does not crumble like a house of cards, the situation changes. After all, it is not based on random favorable circumstances, and your willingness and ability to overcome obstacles, never to despair, to seek and find a way out.
Its source is not outside, but inside you - in your attitude towards life, your position in the character. And it is your behavior creates the circumstances to which you aspire.
Happiness can not be without movement - change and the environment around us and ourselves.
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